Save Green / &I'm Green; Fill me in

Monday, May 28, 2007

Dilemma; The Conflict of the Loved One

Emotion/s : Confused, broken, signs of screaming...dilemma

Current song : I Am Missing by Wheesung

I always wondered, and yes, admired Bruce Wayne (Batman) because he managed to tame Selena Kyle (Catwoman) whom then became his wife...soon then I targeted to be like him.

...*cries*

But then, after months I...I felt like Clark Kent that had to let his beloved Lana Lang away from his feelings. No, I've had this dilemma for months. I screamed under my pillow last night, and yes, sleepless. I don't know why...I tried to keep my feelings for her but...Aaaarrrgghh!!!

...*cries*

I have a feeling that our relationship's tearing apart. When those damn thoughts starts appearing inside my head I quickly hold my hands up and pray for our realtionship to last. But yes, last night....somehow that I can't take it anymore.

No, I don't. I love her...and I know that she loves me too. I wanted the best for her. I asked her to not giving up on finding a job. She kept telling me that she couldn't get one. For goodness sake I helped her. I even asked my mom to find a job somewhere around our neighbourhood...

Months passed, and yes, she's still jobless. Pity her a lot, but then I felt like she did nothing concerning of her jobless status. Nevermind her...hope that she'll get one. But I got a strong feeling that she's not doing anything!

...*cries*

A sad to for a boyfriend/girlfriend is when his/her significant other starts swearing, and yes, the F*CK goes right to the partner. How'd you feel? And sometimes, for no reason. I cried when she did that a couple of months ago. I know it's an accident (God knows best) but really, it breaks my heart, and I'm having a hard time building back the feeling I once owned. She told me to stop thinking badly and yes, told me that she still loves me. Unfortunately my feelings became half of what I've felt before. And now...I have 2 feelings fighting for survival; To Stay VS To Leave.

God, I beg for Your forgiveness and your guidance...I love her...and let that love blooms as long as I live.

I've becoming half-insane these days. I even screamed at myself to concentrate on what's important like studies and stuffs, but still not much improvements. Even more, she's been delaying our monthly date for this month of May, and it's almost June.

I pity her, but unfortunately she's the one who doesn't improve herself. And I don't feel like she really took my words. I've respected her since we've met in around November or December last year. Respected her because she's kinda pro in Audition, and becoming 1st of my friends there. I like her pretty much. But then I know her true colors....and what kinda girlfriend/boyfriend that don't want to tell his/her real name to their partner? And why becoming so secretive?

Don't she ever realized that love needs trust? Serious I've tell her what I think she should know but in return I have puzzling, concerning mysteries of herself. I know she wanted to be careful but why until like this? We've been coupling for almost 4 months. I have a feeling that the scale is so unbalanced. I love her, but do my beloved girl love me as much as I do? I know she's a loyal person, but if she's loyal why she's like don't take my words? I did my part, and I doubt she did hers. Heck I think she don't even read my blog. If she did, I want her to think of this relationship and herself seriously.

I love you, -CherryLia-....but why don't you help yourself? Why can't you trust me? Why hide things from me? I'm your boyfriend, the one you love much. As your boyfriend I wanted to help you, and to cheer you up, and to share your feelings.

...*cries*

I'm still praying for us both. Help yourself, help you. <3

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The blaming of the arcade // Coming of a friend

Emotion/s : Plain face...with a little touch of happiness...and random

Current Song : One Night In Arabia by Go Go Girls (WARNING : ParaPara sickness)

Stuffs moved into the apartment, but still haven't stayed there. Tomorrow will be most probably. Hahaha....but still, there's still room for changes. =P

Forget that....Well, my good friend itsDEJAvu will come to KL next month. Weehoo!!! XD Will be looking forward for that. Thought of bringing my girl to our meeting too. =)

After 4 months of not using Photoshop....ahaha....and yes, my fingers and skills rusted yet rotten (not yet rotten *cough*). Hehehe....

I collected RM 40 for our date, but then when I arrived at Sogo KL to wait for a bus home, the demon inside purged me to barge into the arcade at the 8th floor....with RM 30 BURNED by t3h ebil-ness of the Initial D & ParaParaParadise 2nd Mix arcade machine. XD

Songs of my favourite; One Night in Arabia, Night of Fire, Boom Boom Fire, Burning Desire...and some others that I forgot. Reason? Almost all of my favs are songs from Initial D battle songs. XD

Oh my God...what was I thinking?!

Anyway...still stating here that I love my beloved -CherryLia- very much

Friday, May 18, 2007

Random thoughts (1)

Emotion/s : Hmm....don't know what mood I'm in =/

Current Song : What I've Done by Linkin Park (this song RuLz!)

Hmm....Linkin Park's new single is already out there & I haven't bought one yet! Whatta....nevermind. Found a cyber cafe that have AUDITION YAY!!!! It's quite near to my apartment at Desa 2, Aman Puri apartments....and LOL! I've to stay with my bunch of friends on the 14th floor d'uh I hate it....nobody likes it anyway. Plus, we have 2 housemates that don't know the meaning of "CLEANLINESS". My parents came and cleanse the place with my former roommate at Bangi who stays at the apartment. I was absent for class.

What else? Bunch of assignments. Hate making reports and proposals they're sucks really. Sony Soundforge 8.0 ish t3h LOVE!!! I love remixing songs. XD

To my friend itsDEJAvu, patience. Your face will be fine again. Pity you have to take 32 injections on your face. Get well soon, buddy. =)

My love told me that we're probably gonna meet by the end of this month. Haven't decide the exact date. Hope things turn out well. Praying for it. Missed her a lot. Praying for her well-being. <3

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

21st year of evolution

Emotion/s : Relieved, thankful...

Current Song : Drops of Jupiter by Train

Thx God...I turned 21 today. Wishing all the blessings from Him for this very life of mine. Welcome to the adulthood....

No birthday presents so far, but bought myself a copy of my all-time favourite classic, Bram Stoker's Dracula and a book of horror collection written by Khadijah Moore (forgot the title). I like to dive myself into the stories of intriguing mysteries like those...and yeah, and to scare myself a little. =P

My girlfriend will be turned 21 this Friday. All the best for her. God bless her life and her family.
Nothing much to say, but thx God for giving me gifts that cares; My parents, my friends, my beloved girlfriend...and yes, specially from you which is Islam, Holy Quran and Sunnah.

Alhamdulillah...all the praise to You, Allah.