Friday, October 26, 2007
End of insanity // College problem
Emotion/s: Normal feeling...
Current Song: If I Let You Go by
WestlifeOkay...since I managed to get my sanity back in time, I came to a conclusion; I can only accept her if she's rational, stop telling me "Won't tell you, it's secret..." thingies, and contact me periodically, always....and I'm longing for her commitment, her real name and stuffs about her that I need to know. If I still couldn't get those, I won't think twice of leaving her...for good.Okay...got a lot of assignments to be done, a lot of things to catch up...and the saddest news; My lecturers will leave the college in cause of irrational Dean and his egos. Those lecturers are nice and rational when it came to their fields and very understanding. I'm so respect them but what else can we do? Starting a mutiny will only make things worse. Anyway, we won't stay here for too long, and we're longing to get out from this doom...Hopefully we can finish our studies here ASAP. No more extension, failed subjects etc.Gonna meet my friend, Sherlyn this weekend, probably if I don't have open house trips to attend, and other things to be done.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The missing feeling
Emotion/s: The missing-like-feeling strikes back
Current Song: Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely by
Backstreet BoysOkays...I had myself a chat with Anis yesterday, the longest so far since the break up. Things went out just fine, and as always she kept telling me "Can't tell. It's secret. LOL.", which is so irritating. But nevermind, we're not together anymore so why should I bother, right?Yesterday I felt rather uneasy when I get myself back online in AuditionSEA for a while. There I saw my character was in a new costume; a black suit set with a pair of black wings. Cool......and yes, a PM from her (different, yet new nick), telling me that she missed me so much....I was touched, driven mad like hell. Seriously, I almost my sanity back then. I don't know what happened...and confused....and yes, I missed her to. A part of me missed her so much. But I choose to stand on my ground, fighting myself from getting back to her......damn it! I'm so confused!Another part of me wants her back badly. This is absolutely no-point! She won't accept me anymore, and I don't think I want us to be together anymore...and become just friends....and I don't know....I'm so confused.Almighty God, please help me. Don't let me lose my sanity over this tiny speck of problem. You know best, so guide your puny servant here to a better way of thinking and decision. Please give me your hidayah...I beg you.Her nick in MSN "I swear If you come back In my life I'll b thr till de end of time Come back to me Back into my life I'll keep you rite By my side...(not finished)" ......it's disturbing and turned me upside down.I wonder if she still reads my blog....Ah, well...hopefully I can still live my day as always...Anis, I still miss you, silently...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A trip to Sentosa Island // The Doppelganger
Emotion/s: A lil' bit of tension, boredom and normal
Current Song: Stranger by
Hilary DuffAh...somehow I still can't forget on what happened back then in Sentosa Island yesterday. After we arrived there and park the car, we walked towards the Luge counter. Halfway there I saw someone who I think I shouldn't meet, or perhaps shouldn't be there because her presence totally cut down my mood of having fun. I don't know whether it's her, but she DID look like her. Maybe I was hallucinating, but somehow it really affecting my mood. I saw her walking with a Chinese guy side by side. I stared at her while we crossed path, and she did the same. We even turned our backs to make the second check. I was so like don't know if that's really her or maybe it's just a doppelganger of hers. It was so unmistakable......it was Anis......and somehow the accident turned off my mood. But nevermind...We could only go for the Luge and Cable Car. ><" I wanted to explore the whole island but some parts are under renovation. Heck we haven't go inside the Merlion Tower, Underwater World and Insect Park. T-T*piccies coming soon*...and our plan before was visiting Vivo City after Sentosa but it's been foiled by hunger and tiredness, so we headed back home...Last night, Anis went online. I clicked on and say hi but she didn't reply. Well, I'm not really expecting replies but seconds after that she put herself offline. I knew that she's still online. Her nick message gave her away. It was written there (so lonely T_T). Well, as her friend and her ex, I felt moved to help but I won't mind if she ignores me. Let her be...Today is supposed to go visiting relatives again, and I'm so wishing that we could drop by Tampines or overnight there (the best thing for today). Well, if we couldn't meet, means that it'll take months of waiting. But nevermind, it's worth it...I need to spend quality times with my families here anyway.I'll be leaving for KL tomorrow at night. The train departure will be in 10 pm. I'm so missed a lot of things here, but at the same time I feel thankful because I was given another chance to meet my dear beloved families here and all our times together.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Trip of the day // Ecstacy
Emotion/s: Naughty, and kinda happy
;-)Current Song: Don't Stand So Close by
Dr. LoveHaaa....today I went to Pasir Ris Theme Park (that's the name, I think) with my family and my dear Uncle Azhar. Huhuhu...so much fun. I've set my eyes in a naughty-mode (me: Bwahahahaha!! XDXDXD)...ok, nevermind that...I've been and feel almost all the rides....but nothing beats the fun of go-karting. Since I don't have a licence to drive, means that it's the time time for me to drive hahahaha.......whatever...I'm rather in ecstacy right now. XPEYE-CANDIES!! EYE-POPPERS!! XDXDXD (Girls play with water and get wet 8D)
......
...Ok...that's enough for the devilish, yet perverted naughtiness... (me: Whacks self) DX
...and I had my dose of Initial D with my brother, and also 2 games of ParaPara...darn...the 1st dance was a total failure. I put it all invisible. Silly me...
The 2nd time was okay, and again I awed the crowds...(c'mon la, don't you people ever seen a guy playing Para Para before? D'uh...) Well, I went flat out during the 3rd stage. It's the 1st ParaPara, not the 2nd Mix. Literally, the screen was a little too bright and the lights got me dizzy a little. I like 2nd Mix better.
I literally don't want to comment on this. Let them be...maybe they've never seen 1 after all. It's okays really. I just learnt that Singaporeans (focus on Pasir Ris - Tampines area) haven't seen a Malay guy dancing on the ParaPara machine before.
Hmm...After Friday prayers, I'll be off to Sentosa Island. I'm just hoping that I could stay overnight at my cousin's at Tampines. ><"Okays, that's all for today. Hopefully I can meet Za soon while I'm still here, or else we need to wait for several months for that to occur.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Eid Al Fitr @ Singapore // Boredom and upset
Emotion/s: Bored, sad, upset...
Current Song: Kuroi Namida by
Tsuchiya AnnaI visited around 6 houses (I lost count ~_~ ) yesterday, from noon till 10-11 pm. I was dead tired, had myself a mild stomachache for eating too much, and became a zombie by the end of the day. But that's not the end......me & my bro went overnight at one of my uncle's apartment at Riverside (that's the name I think...or was it Riverdale) and whoa...the interiors was just like a suite!; Wall-mounted plasma TV and dvd players, Playstation 3 (not to mention X-Box 360 inside his bedroom).......and we all play the PS3 till really late (including my uncle)...darn nice. Ridge Racer 7 and Blazing Angels are AWESOME!!! Thanks a lot to him & his wife, aunt Michelle for the hospitality. I'm looking forward to having another overnight session there. =DI had this argument with my mom about cannot-go-out issue. I'm really dissapointed when my mom told me that she won't let me go out and meet my dear friend Za...what the...She told me that it's not safe out there...come on, this is Singapore, not Myanmar, not West Bank, not Southern Thai, having fights/gunshots here and there. All I'm asking is just a day with her, hanging out at Tampines Mall and having our doses of ParaPara, have ourselves a drink or two...that's all! She said not safe, why? Like people will suspect or frame me as a terrorist/criminal or something. COME ON! I'm just a 21 year old guy who is longing to meet his good friend and spend our time together and have fun peacefully. My request is that bad?...and I don't think my attire will make people think like I'm like one of those. Pardon me, mom, but even dad gave me permit to go out with friends. I know my limits, I know how to take care of myself. I realized that each time I grew older, the limitations grew even more.So much for the happy Eid for me...but oh, well...patience is virtue. I pray that we could go out together within my stay here. (._.)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Intermission // Eid Al Fitr @ Singapore (intro)
Emotion/s: Normal, a lil' hint of happiness =)
Current Song: Dendang Perantau by
P. RamleeHaha...yesterday was the day where the Muslims celebrated Eid Al Fitr, after fasting for a month. The families gather, visiting each other to seek forgiveness...and yes, yesterday I, dad and grandma went to visit my late grandpa's grave, giving him a recital of Surah Yaasin as a tribute for his soul. Last night, me and my family (except dad) went on-board the train to Singapore. Geez...I can't stand getting myself frozen inside the coach. The air-con was in full-blast and the place is no more than a slaughterhouse's freezer. (~_~)...and today, around 8 am we arrived here at Singapore. My uncle picked us up from Tanjong Pagar station and drove us towards grandma's (mom's side) home. We are very happy and content; happy faces of gramps, the existence of grandma's signature Sambal Goreng, Ayam Masak Lemak with Ketupats and Lemangs....Aaaaarrrgghhh....I can hardly wait to munch on those. XD...and I did, and felt really satisfied. Thanks Grandma...Luv ya~...and for grandpa, wish you to get well soon...he survived an accident on the road. Nah...just a minor one; bruises, scratches and lil' stitch on the lower lip.Well, for this a week-long visit, I'm hoping to have a nice walk/chat with my dear friend Za (itsDEJAvu), as we're longing to see each other up, close and personal....and not to forget, tiresome but fulfilling trips and visits to relatives' homes. XDWish the readers a Happy Hari Raya and please forgive if I did mistakes during the past years. =)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Of ParaPara & Initial D // The post-breakfast session...
Emotion/s: Happy, satisfied...
^^Current Song: Mikado by
Area 99Haha...last night I went to Sunway Pyramid to breakfast with Zymz and Izumi. I expected Zymz to arrive first since she's the one who planned this meeting. Minutes after waiting for her, she came and told me that she just finished class and forgot to bring wallet halfway to my location. Soon after that, we had a nice chat outside while waiting for Izumi, which her dress of purple kebarung gave me the image of seeing a very sophisticated lady (note: She actually dressed up as Count D from the manga Petshop of Horrors). Honestly, I love the way she dressed up last night. She looked kinda, well, cute...XPAfter the last arrival, we made our way to Jusco's Foodcourt. We've been talking about Izzu's Eroica manga and Zymz's trip to Instanbul. After we had our breakfast, we walked and Zymz tempted me to join her playing ParaPara at the arcade. I have to admit that the temptation is far too great for me to resist (me: What do you expect? It's ParaPara...). Soon after that, we arrived there, a sinful premise of arcade, where gamers pour their money there...and lo! There were 2 ParaPara arcade machine there, located side by side. XDI bought 3 tokens, priced RM 1 each. After Zymz finished her first ParaPara session, I went to the other machine and we had a duel. At first, I was actually kinda afraid because the way she played in the fast + invisible mode was great. But I won the duel, and both of us had no idea how I won...Then, I went to the Initial D 3rd Arcade Stage machine, and the companions stood behind the driver's seat. At first I was expected some support from them but it turned out a funny commotion that actually made my concentration gayed-off. But really, I was so close to defeat the yellow RX-7 (drove by Keisuke in the anime). It's an almost win encounter and ended up with "Aww...man, that was close!". But really, we had a good time, except Izumi whom didn't play at all. All she did was imitating Zymz's move behind her while playing ParaPara. Generally, we had a good time together. ^^Zymz went back to her hostel while me & Izumi made our way to the bus stop while chatting about cosplay, AMG stuffs etc. We had a very nice chat back then sometimes I thought of having a longer time for that. We kept talking and discussing until she dropped off in front of Giant Hypermarket Kelana Jaya. I liked her as a companion because she reminds me of myself, only that she's a girl, famous, smart; the advanced-version of myself. ^^....and somehow that funny arcade event gave us a weird idea of writing yaoi fanfic of Initial D (me: haha...yeah right...). XP
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Concerning family matters // Causes
Emotion/s: Blurry (I just woke up, you see...), random...
Current Song: Find The Way by
Mika NakashimaSeriously, I just don't understand these days. Couldn't understand what's happening to me, and as to my surroundings as well. I lost touch from the reality; can't seem to think properly, getting blurry over and over again, stuffs etc. Things became worse everytime I search deeper into the problems, like I was forbidden to solve any of them. Sounds wrong, huh? Yes, but that's the reality. I might slow things down if I try harder...and I wish I could end all these confusion soon.Maybe I was worried about my family's condition; My mom can't take dad's nagging any longer. She's already fed-up with him, as well as her children too, including me. Maybe we didn't listen to what she's said. As the eldest brother, I'm not a fan of doing chores. But I still did everytime I go back home. I understand my mom's condition but what else can I do than trying to listen and do her biddings, including to pray for my whole family. I realized myself that I'm not a good brother but I did my best. I tried to tell my mom about my problems but what I did was pouring gasoline onto a fire...As for my dad, he's kinda hot tempered person. But still, he got his rationale. I understand how hard he worked, doing this and that, contracts, canteen management etc. He's doing a lot of works, trying to give the best for the family. But sometimes when I did mistakes, my mom's the one that get the naggings, not me. It's just not fair...if I could, I rather to take it. Pity my mom...Let's put it this way; If my mom likes something, my dad don't...and it went vice versa every time. Plus, my brother kept asking me to pay him back. Really...like I have all the money to give him. He didn't realized that my weekly money my parents gave me usually isn't enough, and I have to borrow from my friends and pay them back the other week when I have some extras. Living at my campus area is just needs a lot of money. I realized that at times I do overspent but I did save my money....and I did my best to please everyone. So please understand... we're in a family but don't you have yourself a heart of giving excuse for me, or just forget if it's just little things?Almost every night I pray for my family, hoping things will get better soon. I don't care I just want to regain my conscious back and change things back to normal. Za, thanks for helping me and listened to my blabbering all this while. Yes, it's a matter that I must settle by myself. Thanks again for all your support until now. I hope things get better for you too...Hmm...this will be my last week staying here at my apartment before having a 2 weeks holiday starting next week. Eid al Fitr is just around the corner, and most people are happy. Some of them sad for some reasons. But I just hope that people will cheer up this Eid.Hmm....what else?Nothing else...haha. XD
