Save Green / &I'm Green; Fill me in

Monday, May 28, 2007

Dilemma; The Conflict of the Loved One

Emotion/s : Confused, broken, signs of screaming...dilemma

Current song : I Am Missing by Wheesung

I always wondered, and yes, admired Bruce Wayne (Batman) because he managed to tame Selena Kyle (Catwoman) whom then became his wife...soon then I targeted to be like him.

...*cries*

But then, after months I...I felt like Clark Kent that had to let his beloved Lana Lang away from his feelings. No, I've had this dilemma for months. I screamed under my pillow last night, and yes, sleepless. I don't know why...I tried to keep my feelings for her but...Aaaarrrgghh!!!

...*cries*

I have a feeling that our relationship's tearing apart. When those damn thoughts starts appearing inside my head I quickly hold my hands up and pray for our realtionship to last. But yes, last night....somehow that I can't take it anymore.

No, I don't. I love her...and I know that she loves me too. I wanted the best for her. I asked her to not giving up on finding a job. She kept telling me that she couldn't get one. For goodness sake I helped her. I even asked my mom to find a job somewhere around our neighbourhood...

Months passed, and yes, she's still jobless. Pity her a lot, but then I felt like she did nothing concerning of her jobless status. Nevermind her...hope that she'll get one. But I got a strong feeling that she's not doing anything!

...*cries*

A sad to for a boyfriend/girlfriend is when his/her significant other starts swearing, and yes, the F*CK goes right to the partner. How'd you feel? And sometimes, for no reason. I cried when she did that a couple of months ago. I know it's an accident (God knows best) but really, it breaks my heart, and I'm having a hard time building back the feeling I once owned. She told me to stop thinking badly and yes, told me that she still loves me. Unfortunately my feelings became half of what I've felt before. And now...I have 2 feelings fighting for survival; To Stay VS To Leave.

God, I beg for Your forgiveness and your guidance...I love her...and let that love blooms as long as I live.

I've becoming half-insane these days. I even screamed at myself to concentrate on what's important like studies and stuffs, but still not much improvements. Even more, she's been delaying our monthly date for this month of May, and it's almost June.

I pity her, but unfortunately she's the one who doesn't improve herself. And I don't feel like she really took my words. I've respected her since we've met in around November or December last year. Respected her because she's kinda pro in Audition, and becoming 1st of my friends there. I like her pretty much. But then I know her true colors....and what kinda girlfriend/boyfriend that don't want to tell his/her real name to their partner? And why becoming so secretive?

Don't she ever realized that love needs trust? Serious I've tell her what I think she should know but in return I have puzzling, concerning mysteries of herself. I know she wanted to be careful but why until like this? We've been coupling for almost 4 months. I have a feeling that the scale is so unbalanced. I love her, but do my beloved girl love me as much as I do? I know she's a loyal person, but if she's loyal why she's like don't take my words? I did my part, and I doubt she did hers. Heck I think she don't even read my blog. If she did, I want her to think of this relationship and herself seriously.

I love you, -CherryLia-....but why don't you help yourself? Why can't you trust me? Why hide things from me? I'm your boyfriend, the one you love much. As your boyfriend I wanted to help you, and to cheer you up, and to share your feelings.

...*cries*

I'm still praying for us both. Help yourself, help you. <3

♠/MY Green Personalities

Khair a.k.a Gypsydres
Talks as much as he observes
As emo as his gh3ys.
Hard as rock and twice as sensitive :)

♣/ The Green Hobbies

Anime, manga, games~~
Cosplay~~ (just started)
Writing poems and stuffs
Reading stuffs
Slacking :p
Chatting (I'm talkative XD)
ParaPara Paradise
Initial D arcade (not pro) ^^"

...and the rest you ask yourself.