Save Green / &I'm Green; Fill me in

Monday, January 14, 2008

Defeated heart // Lame expressions

Emotion/s: A lil bit tensed up, despair, confused, missing that someone...

Current Song: Stay by Victoria

Hate it when my feelings all up against me...I just don't know how to describe it, but seriously it tears me apart, every single day, every single moment, every second when I play that game that is similar to my once favourite, AuditionSEA.

The feeling gets more intense when I saw her inside the game. I was hesitated to play since I was feeling a lil like don't have the moods but somehow I play due to my friends' persuasion. Hahaha... D=

I used to somewhat like...hating that person. Not hate as in it shows that she's some kind of bitch or something; but more like leaving me behind, ignoring me but goes for playing those online games instead. But at the same time...

...I still have a heart for her. One part of me misses her so much that I could cry everytime those memories came back haunting during unwanted hours, nay, everytime. Almost every single second.

Honestly saying that...I miss her so dearly, so bad. I'm not hating her. I don't hate her at all. I just want her to be more caring and chances to communicate and knowing her more, rather than just playing games. Yes, I do enjoy having her as company during gaming session, like I could almost smile everytime when she's on (except when her "moods" went on).

Needless to say, and plainly said; I still love her. Yes, I loved her till now. Only now that I put down the feelings here right into this blog and sputter all over with my despair and silent screams that came all down from the very heart of mine.

Was it just me that couldn't understand her? Or was that her that ignores me and lies on purpose and make that game as her love instead, or perhaps I'm just a spare-part? Guess that both of us lacked in almost everything. Yes, we do, and we did...The answers? Allah knows...

Oh, Allah....please give me strength to overcome this...and guide me through the bleakness of my heart.

I don't know what else to be said here. As a conclusion, I'm gonna make it this way;

Anis, if you read this, I know it's hard for you, yes, hard for me also to express this feeling since you already cannot accept me as your loving prince anymore. Even harder for me to say this because it'll bleed me silently, deep inside my heart. But if you already have someone else on your side, fine...

...I'll leave as if you wish to. Hopefully that guy can make you feel content and happy.

But if you still have a heart for me, then let us be together again, if you wish to. Because I want you to know, that I still have a heart for you, and I wished us to be better and even more loving than we used to.

But if you insisted to stay single, fine then. It's your decision and you're the one that holds and decide your future. All I wanted is for you to be strong and happy always. I pray that you can endure all the unwanted that came to your life.

My tears already dried up for all these...but who knows? These tears could be shed again, and never these tears shed like crocodile's. These and those tears came from a puny soul cried in pain.

It's painful to me, and it's excruciating....but it's the post that must be done in all costs. I don't care to be called a weak person etc. But if then, just call this post just a plain, lame expression from an unknown, wandering person looking for someone he don't even know who.

♠/MY Green Personalities

Khair a.k.a Gypsydres
Talks as much as he observes
As emo as his gh3ys.
Hard as rock and twice as sensitive :)

♣/ The Green Hobbies

Anime, manga, games~~
Cosplay~~ (just started)
Writing poems and stuffs
Reading stuffs
Slacking :p
Chatting (I'm talkative XD)
ParaPara Paradise
Initial D arcade (not pro) ^^"

...and the rest you ask yourself.