Save Green / &I'm Green; Fill me in

Monday, March 10, 2008

The last day // Interlude of the same old beginning

Emotion/s: A lil bit of missing feeling, sad but tearless, brokenhearted... and a lil blurry (or should I say, lost), in the midst of emotional jam.

Current Song: Always by Bon Jovi

Yesterday was the day she announced that we're over, and it happened during my way back to Kepong inside a cab. For such a short relationship... things were quite meaningful for me, no, for both of us. I was actually like speechless when I received those messages she sent me, but not without a uncanny sinking feeling deep down. I was worried.

But then before all those things I've prepared myself for the unwanted, and I expected myself to be truly okay and lead things back to normal. But then silently it gave me impact deep inside my very heart. I was almost cried when I read those messages, but then I realized that my tears already dried all the way before, which I spent for her, for my stupid self...

... and I've never learned, I think. Think that I deserved this. But then, better for us to be this way. So that I'll never break her heart anymore. I'm not good enough for her anyway. Nah... I won't blame a single thing on people but myself. Yes, I was unaware of things and stuffs, of being not sensitive etc...

My flaws are real bad, too heavy a burden like this being carried by me or her, or my friends. Yes, right now I missed her real bad, and actually can cry any moment... but then numbness took over me, making me couldn't feel those feelings. Feelings of sad, lonesome....

...to feel like a normal human being again. Too much sorry has been said... and I'm feeling so powerless, unable to do anything but to see things go round and pass by.

She said that God told her that she should leave me... and for her saying like that, there's nothing I can say but to accept the truth. She's a Godly person, and I was used to be one, only now I'm more like a mere shadow of myself.

But then, Chrissy, I just pray that you'll get a better boyfriend soon. But if then the boyfriend didn't do any good, he'll get a piece from me soon.

Anyway, let this be a lesson for me... think that I'll forever learn the hard way if I don't change myself now. Nah....

...and I'm gonna missed those times. I'll cry myself bad for those.

...better being single for years than being broken all time. Maybe I should stop being nice after all. Chrissy will be the last, hopefully...

Negativity suits me well right now. :) Think that I had enough of peer pressures, I decided not to give my heart to anyone else after this. Hopefully after I reset back my jammed feelings, things will be back to normal, hopefully... *give support la guys*

Even though we're not together anymore, dear Chrissy, I'll take care of you as my dear close friend of mine.

♠/MY Green Personalities

Khair a.k.a Gypsydres
Talks as much as he observes
As emo as his gh3ys.
Hard as rock and twice as sensitive :)

♣/ The Green Hobbies

Anime, manga, games~~
Cosplay~~ (just started)
Writing poems and stuffs
Reading stuffs
Slacking :p
Chatting (I'm talkative XD)
ParaPara Paradise
Initial D arcade (not pro) ^^"

...and the rest you ask yourself.