Saturday, May 31, 2008
Intermission // Sad & glad
Emotion/s: A lil sad, but glad...
Current Song: It's All Coming Back To Me by Celine Dion
How this song really suits my mood right now...
People said good things comes with a price, and yes, it's true...
I wish myself for my diploma I promised but I have to lose people that I love at the same time. Well, indeed it's regretful, but I have to throw away that feeling far from now on. Called a cheater was one, then I lose another. Indeed an old tale laced with conflicts and ambitions but guess that what's over is over after all.
Anyway, Nikki, you have yourself a person that can fill your heart, and that glads me up. I can never hide the pain but it's a lot better than what we had before. It's your luck, Nikki. Hopefully you guys will last, and never make him prove you wrong, and hopefully he won't prove me wrong, too.
...and as for Chris, I have nothing else to say. What happened before taught me to become more reliable on myself, and never to expect things much. All I do now is just carry on with my studies, which is the most important thing now. Anyway, I couldn't help on your works these days. Maybe in ideas, I can give. You also must do your best, and don't be like me. Haha!
Ah... seemed that things going back to normal, like the last December.... only things won't really be the same again. God, I did my best, and it's up to You now to decide... and I learned a lot this time. A lot...
All right, now preparing myself to go to the college for a paper, then head myself back home. Got laundries to do be done.
Current Song: It's All Coming Back To Me by Celine Dion
How this song really suits my mood right now...
People said good things comes with a price, and yes, it's true...
I wish myself for my diploma I promised but I have to lose people that I love at the same time. Well, indeed it's regretful, but I have to throw away that feeling far from now on. Called a cheater was one, then I lose another. Indeed an old tale laced with conflicts and ambitions but guess that what's over is over after all.
Anyway, Nikki, you have yourself a person that can fill your heart, and that glads me up. I can never hide the pain but it's a lot better than what we had before. It's your luck, Nikki. Hopefully you guys will last, and never make him prove you wrong, and hopefully he won't prove me wrong, too.
...and as for Chris, I have nothing else to say. What happened before taught me to become more reliable on myself, and never to expect things much. All I do now is just carry on with my studies, which is the most important thing now. Anyway, I couldn't help on your works these days. Maybe in ideas, I can give. You also must do your best, and don't be like me. Haha!
Ah... seemed that things going back to normal, like the last December.... only things won't really be the same again. God, I did my best, and it's up to You now to decide... and I learned a lot this time. A lot...
All right, now preparing myself to go to the college for a paper, then head myself back home. Got laundries to do be done.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Crapping about with current feelings
Emotion/s: Shaky, tired, sleepy...
Current Song: My Reason by Linkin Park
My sanity equilibrium has been moving quite fast non-stop from right to left and vice versa these days, and it can't seem to stop at the right point. I'm shaken, physically & mentally, as if the drug addict trying to overcome his need for more drugs but he knows that he can't hold on for long. Nevermind.... just crapping.
I'm just in the state where my world's colliding with stuffs. Indeed it's a tough time for me. Haha!! Man... what else can I do but to be patient on facing these kinda things. I'm hurt, and never before like what I'm feeling right now. Agonizing in pain inside the heart hidden by the smile and jokes and funny-faces that I use to do everyday.
Exams and stuffs when being mixed up can cause to a total brain damage, and deteriorating heart and consciousness....
...nevermind, I'm just crapping here, because I kinda have no other medium to release on how I feel right now, so i just pouring a bit of my pain here.
...and for those who supported me all along, I thank you all.
Oh, God... Please lend me strength to overcome this.
Current Song: My Reason by Linkin Park
My sanity equilibrium has been moving quite fast non-stop from right to left and vice versa these days, and it can't seem to stop at the right point. I'm shaken, physically & mentally, as if the drug addict trying to overcome his need for more drugs but he knows that he can't hold on for long. Nevermind.... just crapping.
I'm just in the state where my world's colliding with stuffs. Indeed it's a tough time for me. Haha!! Man... what else can I do but to be patient on facing these kinda things. I'm hurt, and never before like what I'm feeling right now. Agonizing in pain inside the heart hidden by the smile and jokes and funny-faces that I use to do everyday.
Exams and stuffs when being mixed up can cause to a total brain damage, and deteriorating heart and consciousness....
...nevermind, I'm just crapping here, because I kinda have no other medium to release on how I feel right now, so i just pouring a bit of my pain here.
...and for those who supported me all along, I thank you all.
Oh, God... Please lend me strength to overcome this.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Exam week matters...
Emotion/s: A lil worried, tired, sleepless, forced-focus...
Current Song: Superman by Five For Fighting
Confusion just rule these days. These frightful days, full of surprises... and seriously, for this darn week, I just hate surprises. I'm just not-so me for this week....
So people out there, regardless who you guys are....
Please... right now don't ever ask and discuss about other so-called important matters because I'm so not in the mood to talk about it. I might as well help in certain things but I won't promise anything. I'm just so focusing into my exams and my assignments. I will help if I have my time, and I will help with all my best.
Just this week. Just this week....
I'm no Clark Kent, not even self-splitting, silly ninja named Naruto. So please, people out there, dear readers... Please understand my situation now. I'm so begging to you. T_T
Right now I'll stay neutral in certain matters (most, to be precise)... but then support from you people is much to be appreciated. I'll do my best for this. It's just now or never. My diploma. My life...
God, please help me getting through this. I want to disappoint my family and friends no more.
3 hours before my 1st paper, and I haven't yet sleeping...
... don't ever try asking about last minute revisions or my assignments. I'll might just slap the hell out.
*Hops to bed*
Current Song: Superman by Five For Fighting
Confusion just rule these days. These frightful days, full of surprises... and seriously, for this darn week, I just hate surprises. I'm just not-so me for this week....
So people out there, regardless who you guys are....
Please... right now don't ever ask and discuss about other so-called important matters because I'm so not in the mood to talk about it. I might as well help in certain things but I won't promise anything. I'm just so focusing into my exams and my assignments. I will help if I have my time, and I will help with all my best.
Just this week. Just this week....
I'm no Clark Kent, not even self-splitting, silly ninja named Naruto. So please, people out there, dear readers... Please understand my situation now. I'm so begging to you. T_T
Right now I'll stay neutral in certain matters (most, to be precise)... but then support from you people is much to be appreciated. I'll do my best for this. It's just now or never. My diploma. My life...
God, please help me getting through this. I want to disappoint my family and friends no more.
3 hours before my 1st paper, and I haven't yet sleeping...
... don't ever try asking about last minute revisions or my assignments. I'll might just slap the hell out.
*Hops to bed*
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Review on Arctic Incident // Java Fever
Current Mood: A lil worried, in a rush...
Current Song: Everyday by Bon Jovi
Finished reading the 2nd book of Artemis Fowl. Well, the the story is just getting better. I love reading the stories and following the adventures. Congrats the Colfer guy for this. Seriously if I had a chance meeting him in person, I would really love to have his autograph on my sets. XD Currently reading the 3rd book, Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code. I have 4 of the novels, and I wanna buy the 5th book soon, if I have the chance.
Anyway, I just got back from my homeplace, took a cab from there for around 11 bucks. After my arrival, Padil arrived around 10 minutes later. I changed my clothes after turning on my PC. Then, meet the Java Programming... a heck of an assignment. Seriously we all can die just by doing the darn work. No need to worry, farm boy.... it's the last and no more programming stuffs after this. Sigh... -_-"
Man... I just love Bon Jovi. I love his band, I love his songs and lyrics... It's just suits my soul. Well, like Linkin Park, this is definitely reminds me of my life. For bringing up my spirits back, it's Bon Jovi....
...but then it still can't erase my fear of doing Java. Roflmao...
Okays, 'nuff said. Hopping back to work.
Current Song: Everyday by Bon Jovi
Finished reading the 2nd book of Artemis Fowl. Well, the the story is just getting better. I love reading the stories and following the adventures. Congrats the Colfer guy for this. Seriously if I had a chance meeting him in person, I would really love to have his autograph on my sets. XD Currently reading the 3rd book, Artemis Fowl and the Eternity Code. I have 4 of the novels, and I wanna buy the 5th book soon, if I have the chance.
Anyway, I just got back from my homeplace, took a cab from there for around 11 bucks. After my arrival, Padil arrived around 10 minutes later. I changed my clothes after turning on my PC. Then, meet the Java Programming... a heck of an assignment. Seriously we all can die just by doing the darn work. No need to worry, farm boy.... it's the last and no more programming stuffs after this. Sigh... -_-"
Man... I just love Bon Jovi. I love his band, I love his songs and lyrics... It's just suits my soul. Well, like Linkin Park, this is definitely reminds me of my life. For bringing up my spirits back, it's Bon Jovi....
...but then it still can't erase my fear of doing Java. Roflmao...
Okays, 'nuff said. Hopping back to work.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
What my name mean...
Emotion/s: Normal...
Current Song: Taking Over Me by Evanescence
What Muhamad Khair means
You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
Lol some of them maybe true and some of them are not. But well, it's the people who judged me. Just doing my best here. :)
Current Song: Taking Over Me by Evanescence
What Muhamad Khair means
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
Lol some of them maybe true and some of them are not. But well, it's the people who judged me. Just doing my best here. :)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Uh... what the heck happened?
Emotion/s: A lil feeling remorse, normal...
Current Song: Crawling by Linkin Park
Hmm.... after a while being a coward and an ass, I realized something (AGAIN!). Okay, since things have been happened, now I'm trying to make myself some resolutions. Lolz...
Anyway, since that I've becoming a total idiot before, now that I missed the old times. I'm trying to restore back the things that are ruined. I don't care whether I can be accepted back or not, I'm still doing it. No point for me to give up. If I could did it before and won her heart, now that I ruined it, it's my responsibility to fix it. If she don't want me back, guess that I will lock my heart permanently (for a long time, I mean) so people out there help me!!
Words, words and words again... now that I remember; Once before I was really down years ago, and I like wished that if I ever not thinking about anything again there would be no worries just me seeing things pass by...
...and feel the consequences. Now that God has granted my wish. Not only being a total ass, but also almost lost my ability to think. Now that I missed my days of being a lil genius (well, at least I could think that time). Now that I felt really comfortable being a pessimist and indulge myself in the pool of foolishness and lie itself.
Oh ya, another of my weakness is that sometimes I would just running away from the problem, and also do things halfway. I scared of reading her blog nowadays. Scared to found out that if she mention about my stupidity again (Well, I am stupid.) :p
Well, yes.... I'm not a person that like to gain back people's trust but it seems living in a human world I need to be human and face things off. I need to become more humane this time, although I'm just hating that.
Hmm... anyway yes, I missed those days when I was trusted, and we really being together (seriously, I had no idea that people trusted me though.). I need to formulate a plan that can actually turn things back to normal, well, at least a lil bit normal.
Now I need to face myself, and try to fix things up. Ganbarimasu!
Current Song: Crawling by Linkin Park
Hmm.... after a while being a coward and an ass, I realized something (AGAIN!). Okay, since things have been happened, now I'm trying to make myself some resolutions. Lolz...
Anyway, since that I've becoming a total idiot before, now that I missed the old times. I'm trying to restore back the things that are ruined. I don't care whether I can be accepted back or not, I'm still doing it. No point for me to give up. If I could did it before and won her heart, now that I ruined it, it's my responsibility to fix it. If she don't want me back, guess that I will lock my heart permanently (for a long time, I mean) so people out there help me!!
Words, words and words again... now that I remember; Once before I was really down years ago, and I like wished that if I ever not thinking about anything again there would be no worries just me seeing things pass by...
...and feel the consequences. Now that God has granted my wish. Not only being a total ass, but also almost lost my ability to think. Now that I missed my days of being a lil genius (well, at least I could think that time). Now that I felt really comfortable being a pessimist and indulge myself in the pool of foolishness and lie itself.
Oh ya, another of my weakness is that sometimes I would just running away from the problem, and also do things halfway. I scared of reading her blog nowadays. Scared to found out that if she mention about my stupidity again (Well, I am stupid.) :p
Well, yes.... I'm not a person that like to gain back people's trust but it seems living in a human world I need to be human and face things off. I need to become more humane this time, although I'm just hating that.
Hmm... anyway yes, I missed those days when I was trusted, and we really being together (seriously, I had no idea that people trusted me though.). I need to formulate a plan that can actually turn things back to normal, well, at least a lil bit normal.
Now I need to face myself, and try to fix things up. Ganbarimasu!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Extreme pessimistic mode
Emotion/s: Sad, broken, torn, too late for everything, gave up...
Current Song: A Little Pain by Olivia (Nana 1st ED Theme)
I did my mistake... I've made my decision, but it's all too late, just like always.
I lose her as my girl, and for goodness sake, I have to block N as well. Better be friends, but nah.... better just forget me instead. Nobody wanted to have a pessimistic liar as a boyfriend anyway. Far worse on becoming some child's father.
Anyway, I was about to restore things back days before but she gave up already, and I'm not the one who like to force people to love me. The moral is don't ever trust 100% on people, especially me. Easy. I'm a thief and a liar. Hahaha!
Looks like I have to put away my feelings for her inside a jar and hide it somewhere till it gets dusty. If she wanted me back, looks like I need to rummage the whole place back, or maybe I'll remember where I put it back before. Oh well.... all too late.
Now that I'm even scared to face myself, nor these people. I'm ashamed of everything. People did to me once, and I actually can't believe that I did it also. Guess that the cycle will keep on going. To me yes I do trust people, but most mostly till around.... 60%? Trusting myself... 20%.
'nuff said. Extremely passive mode right now.
Current Song: A Little Pain by Olivia (Nana 1st ED Theme)
I did my mistake... I've made my decision, but it's all too late, just like always.
I lose her as my girl, and for goodness sake, I have to block N as well. Better be friends, but nah.... better just forget me instead. Nobody wanted to have a pessimistic liar as a boyfriend anyway. Far worse on becoming some child's father.
Anyway, I was about to restore things back days before but she gave up already, and I'm not the one who like to force people to love me. The moral is don't ever trust 100% on people, especially me. Easy. I'm a thief and a liar. Hahaha!
Looks like I have to put away my feelings for her inside a jar and hide it somewhere till it gets dusty. If she wanted me back, looks like I need to rummage the whole place back, or maybe I'll remember where I put it back before. Oh well.... all too late.
Now that I'm even scared to face myself, nor these people. I'm ashamed of everything. People did to me once, and I actually can't believe that I did it also. Guess that the cycle will keep on going. To me yes I do trust people, but most mostly till around.... 60%? Trusting myself... 20%.
'nuff said. Extremely passive mode right now.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Review on Masked Rider: The Next
Emotion/s: A lil pressured, headache...
Current Song:Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
A join-story of 3 earliest Masked Riders fighting an evil organization from Masked Rider 1 series, The Shocker, definitely outstanding and awesome. With adjustments of the storyline and effects, it's a must-watch for Masked Rider fans... and oh yeah, I almost got a lil confused because it got scenes of horror story like Ju-On (The Grudge) which makes my head turned upside down and think "Whoa... is this a Masked Rider story or Ju-On?" Hahaha.... Anyway, the movie is great. Thumbs up! :)
Had only one class today, Maths, and we all here had our Practical Studies request letters printed, unfortunately for us couldn't meet Janna today to give her those letters. Anyway, gonna hand those things to her next Monday...
...and I'm having a slight fever, extreme flu on the morning (now it's almost ok) and headache. Whoa... =.=;;
The final exam is just around the corner. Hopefully I'll pass all those darn subjects so that I can get out from this hell, and work with Janna soon.
Current Song:Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
A join-story of 3 earliest Masked Riders fighting an evil organization from Masked Rider 1 series, The Shocker, definitely outstanding and awesome. With adjustments of the storyline and effects, it's a must-watch for Masked Rider fans... and oh yeah, I almost got a lil confused because it got scenes of horror story like Ju-On (The Grudge) which makes my head turned upside down and think "Whoa... is this a Masked Rider story or Ju-On?" Hahaha.... Anyway, the movie is great. Thumbs up! :)
Had only one class today, Maths, and we all here had our Practical Studies request letters printed, unfortunately for us couldn't meet Janna today to give her those letters. Anyway, gonna hand those things to her next Monday...
...and I'm having a slight fever, extreme flu on the morning (now it's almost ok) and headache. Whoa... =.=;;
The final exam is just around the corner. Hopefully I'll pass all those darn subjects so that I can get out from this hell, and work with Janna soon.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Guilty X Lesson // Intermission
Emotion/s: Calm and contented, brain usage 20%
Current Song: Easier to Run by Linkin Park
Misunderstandings..... next time I'll slap myself if I did that kinda mistake again. My words are indeed, well... a lil extra. Not to forget that I might say things that I should not. See? Just now I got a goodbye from someone special, which I refer her as a good friend of mine. I've lost a good friend, a very good friend. People come and go...
...and usually I dun really care what comes and go around me. I just do my stuffs, my works...
I'm a cruel person... and I didn't know that. Anyway.... I just hope that she'll forgive me... what happened before was beautiful, but I hope that she'll found someone else better. Now that I'm back to the one I used to love, now I learned to love her more. For being slow...
...I think calling myself Patrick the Starfish isn't a bad idea! Since that silly pink creature can be random at times too. XD
Anyway, I have to forget all these and continue this life. Just pray that she'll be fine with her daughter.
I learned a lesson.
Current Song: Easier to Run by Linkin Park
Misunderstandings..... next time I'll slap myself if I did that kinda mistake again. My words are indeed, well... a lil extra. Not to forget that I might say things that I should not. See? Just now I got a goodbye from someone special, which I refer her as a good friend of mine. I've lost a good friend, a very good friend. People come and go...
...and usually I dun really care what comes and go around me. I just do my stuffs, my works...
I'm a cruel person... and I didn't know that. Anyway.... I just hope that she'll forgive me... what happened before was beautiful, but I hope that she'll found someone else better. Now that I'm back to the one I used to love, now I learned to love her more. For being slow...
...I think calling myself Patrick the Starfish isn't a bad idea! Since that silly pink creature can be random at times too. XD
Anyway, I have to forget all these and continue this life. Just pray that she'll be fine with her daughter.
I learned a lesson.
A thought of self....
Emotion/s: Calm, patient and more collected...
Current Song: Summertime by Beyonce Knowles
After dream of chatting in-game with the gals, now that I came to my thoughts... (yeah, it's just a dream plus what've been playing inside my mind all these while).. and also what I've learned. I admit that I'm just new with these kinda problem and console people to the best and
Love needs tolerance, respect, sacrifice and trust.... lose 1 of these and all will be destroyed. That's what happened to me & those who're involved. I just question myself with these, and they made me think, not twice, but lots of times:
1- If the percentages of living together is low, and almost zero, what are the solutions? Till when the relationship will last? Is it worth to continue?
2- Distance means nothing if one love someone so much. Love can make great breakthroughs and sometimes a lil miracle will help. But what if the family won't give blessings? How much we love someone couldn't fight when it comes to family blessings.
3- People said being single is the best way for students to concentrate more on their studies. Some students might can handle these things but what happened if being destined that the student will actually meet the person soon without being ready? Was it just wrong? Total tolerance will justify everything, or was it not?
4- What happened if the one who loved still in love with someone who is already declared itself being owned, or declared itself just being single to satisfy all sides even thought it hurt a lot? Some fates couldn't be stopped, and some can be change with efforts and prayers. We couldn't even tell what future holds, just hoping for it.
Love comes from the heart and it's unexplainable.. but yes, I've learned that promises played an important role be it intentionally or not. It's like choosing a path, both not yet trodden but the clues of what happened next are there somewhere. Sometimes we have to accept the painful truth as a bonus to get something better in the future.
.... and I questioned myself; What kind of love am I having right now? Was it right or wrong? Could the flaws be accepted or not? Does age matters? Does tolerance lasts? Does respect play it's role here? Will things get better soon? Does patience really pay? I'm confused, some more I was having my studies for Maths test today on last night, couldn't think carefully and was multitasking. I've to choose which one is important...
.... and I chose to help my friends and study with them and talk about these matters all at once. I'm not a person that ignores all these things, but then I have to focus on my studies also. My future! I had to put my studies on priority last night, then I continue on the dialogs...
...and by that time my brain was in haywire, and couldn't think carefully. Anyway what's done is done. Let this be a lesson for me. Anyway, I have to say that I'll stand for my study 1st and will only discuss over the matter after my study hours or whenever I'm free and ready.
Anyway.... sorry if any parts of what has been stated above is offending, didn't mean it, just a thought for me and those who read it to think and make this a lesson. Just what I said, things just couldn't be changed. And again I'm sorry for everything. Hurt today, be better on tomorrow.
Current Song: Summertime by Beyonce Knowles
After dream of chatting in-game with the gals, now that I came to my thoughts... (yeah, it's just a dream plus what've been playing inside my mind all these while).. and also what I've learned. I admit that I'm just new with these kinda problem and console people to the best and
Love needs tolerance, respect, sacrifice and trust.... lose 1 of these and all will be destroyed. That's what happened to me & those who're involved. I just question myself with these, and they made me think, not twice, but lots of times:
1- If the percentages of living together is low, and almost zero, what are the solutions? Till when the relationship will last? Is it worth to continue?
2- Distance means nothing if one love someone so much. Love can make great breakthroughs and sometimes a lil miracle will help. But what if the family won't give blessings? How much we love someone couldn't fight when it comes to family blessings.
3- People said being single is the best way for students to concentrate more on their studies. Some students might can handle these things but what happened if being destined that the student will actually meet the person soon without being ready? Was it just wrong? Total tolerance will justify everything, or was it not?
4- What happened if the one who loved still in love with someone who is already declared itself being owned, or declared itself just being single to satisfy all sides even thought it hurt a lot? Some fates couldn't be stopped, and some can be change with efforts and prayers. We couldn't even tell what future holds, just hoping for it.
Love comes from the heart and it's unexplainable.. but yes, I've learned that promises played an important role be it intentionally or not. It's like choosing a path, both not yet trodden but the clues of what happened next are there somewhere. Sometimes we have to accept the painful truth as a bonus to get something better in the future.
.... and I questioned myself; What kind of love am I having right now? Was it right or wrong? Could the flaws be accepted or not? Does age matters? Does tolerance lasts? Does respect play it's role here? Will things get better soon? Does patience really pay? I'm confused, some more I was having my studies for Maths test today on last night, couldn't think carefully and was multitasking. I've to choose which one is important...
.... and I chose to help my friends and study with them and talk about these matters all at once. I'm not a person that ignores all these things, but then I have to focus on my studies also. My future! I had to put my studies on priority last night, then I continue on the dialogs...
...and by that time my brain was in haywire, and couldn't think carefully. Anyway what's done is done. Let this be a lesson for me. Anyway, I have to say that I'll stand for my study 1st and will only discuss over the matter after my study hours or whenever I'm free and ready.
Anyway.... sorry if any parts of what has been stated above is offending, didn't mean it, just a thought for me and those who read it to think and make this a lesson. Just what I said, things just couldn't be changed. And again I'm sorry for everything. Hurt today, be better on tomorrow.
I'm Sorry....
Emotion/s: Remorse, down, pessimistic, pathetic...
Current Song: Lian Ai Da Ren by Lou Zhi Xiang
This song sounds happy... it is, but not for me. Not for me.... Listening to this could only left me in tears.
Imagine, hurting the feeling of a single mother during Mother's Day..... that's right, only an absolute nincompoop would do that thing...
...and I did.
For the victim, I say that please forgive me. You deserved people better than me, and I bet there are lotsa good guys out there that deserve you. I've nothing to offer and only will put people into doom. Sorry, but it's true. See? Even she couldn't take me anymore. If you really had enough, at least please think about your only daughter. She's your world. Don't let her see you always cry and mope. She needs you. At least be strong because of her. You're the only idol she has.
See... just because of words. Now that I've realized that I've turned into the the most hateful thing I swore to destroy, becoming the person who actually did this to me before. So much being a counselor or a listener... in fact I'm just as the same as most of the people I've seen all around.
To love, to marry... sweet. Then to mend someone's heart and shattered it back unintentionally just because of choosing between two.... SERIOUSLY PEOPLE IF YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO AVOID ME IT'S THE BEST TIME I WON'T STOP YOU!
I don't play around with people, now see.... I'm becoming degraded just because of my act. Serves me right.
Anyway...
I'm not gonna speak much from now on, be it in game or real life. Maybe people are right about me; just shut up. I talked too much. So much for helping people. Not to be trusted? Yes I do. Nobody should trust anybody 100% anyway. They deserve a chance but not me.
'nuff said.
I'll be back soon.... I'll change. Into what? Something better for the people out there. Less talking. :)
Current Song: Lian Ai Da Ren by Lou Zhi Xiang
This song sounds happy... it is, but not for me. Not for me.... Listening to this could only left me in tears.
Imagine, hurting the feeling of a single mother during Mother's Day..... that's right, only an absolute nincompoop would do that thing...
...and I did.
For the victim, I say that please forgive me. You deserved people better than me, and I bet there are lotsa good guys out there that deserve you. I've nothing to offer and only will put people into doom. Sorry, but it's true. See? Even she couldn't take me anymore. If you really had enough, at least please think about your only daughter. She's your world. Don't let her see you always cry and mope. She needs you. At least be strong because of her. You're the only idol she has.
See... just because of words. Now that I've realized that I've turned into the the most hateful thing I swore to destroy, becoming the person who actually did this to me before. So much being a counselor or a listener... in fact I'm just as the same as most of the people I've seen all around.
To love, to marry... sweet. Then to mend someone's heart and shattered it back unintentionally just because of choosing between two.... SERIOUSLY PEOPLE IF YOU THINK IT'S TIME TO AVOID ME IT'S THE BEST TIME I WON'T STOP YOU!
I don't play around with people, now see.... I'm becoming degraded just because of my act. Serves me right.
Anyway...
I'm not gonna speak much from now on, be it in game or real life. Maybe people are right about me; just shut up. I talked too much. So much for helping people. Not to be trusted? Yes I do. Nobody should trust anybody 100% anyway. They deserve a chance but not me.
'nuff said.
I'll be back soon.... I'll change. Into what? Something better for the people out there. Less talking. :)
Thursday, May 08, 2008
High Street 5 outing // End chapther
Emotion/s: Normal, a lil of thinking...
Current Song: Remember Me by Leslie Parrish
Been quite busy lately on nightly outings with High Street 5 crews and gaming... and not to forgot studying for the final exams that'll start in around 2 weeks more. Tired, but happy. Anyway, yesterday I met the FusionXT guild members and some other High Street 5 players at Sogo for karaoke session before going off to Damansara area visiting Hexagon cyber cafe. It was me, Janna my future boss :p , Farish, Azwraith and his friend, Vaux, Eznis, GM_Troy and girlfriend, Cherie who were present. It was fun, and we missed each other... >.<
Anyway, since I was busy with stuffs, and get back home sleeping... I started to forget , no... there were more...
For whom to be concerned...
I won't say much, only to refresh your memories. You've told me last time that you'll stay by my side till you've found someone that suits you well. Well, I'm afraid that my time has come before you. Anyway, you still have me as your friend, because I think we're much in a better position in just being good friends. I never wanted to lose you because we were close before and shared a lot of things.
I'm sorry, If you found me to be annoying, fine. I won't annoy you anymore. Pray that you'll get someone better to replace me. I won't waste my tears for you or us anymore. We both know that ours we'll over someday. Sad but true... but it's a reality that we both must face. You were right, we can never be together for long, but friendship lasts forever. May that stay.
Current Song: Remember Me by Leslie Parrish
Been quite busy lately on nightly outings with High Street 5 crews and gaming... and not to forgot studying for the final exams that'll start in around 2 weeks more. Tired, but happy. Anyway, yesterday I met the FusionXT guild members and some other High Street 5 players at Sogo for karaoke session before going off to Damansara area visiting Hexagon cyber cafe. It was me, Janna my future boss :p , Farish, Azwraith and his friend, Vaux, Eznis, GM_Troy and girlfriend, Cherie who were present. It was fun, and we missed each other... >.<
Anyway, since I was busy with stuffs, and get back home sleeping... I started to forget , no... there were more...
For whom to be concerned...
I won't say much, only to refresh your memories. You've told me last time that you'll stay by my side till you've found someone that suits you well. Well, I'm afraid that my time has come before you. Anyway, you still have me as your friend, because I think we're much in a better position in just being good friends. I never wanted to lose you because we were close before and shared a lot of things.
I'm sorry, If you found me to be annoying, fine. I won't annoy you anymore. Pray that you'll get someone better to replace me. I won't waste my tears for you or us anymore. We both know that ours we'll over someday. Sad but true... but it's a reality that we both must face. You were right, we can never be together for long, but friendship lasts forever. May that stay.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Congkak movie review
Emotion/s: Tired with a hint of laziness...
Current Song: Caramelldansen (Speedycake Remix) by Caramell
Watched Congkak with Padil and our housemate yesterday at Jusco Kepong. Not a bad movie. Nice effort by Ahmad Idham anyway. An improvement in storyline even though I rather said that his previous movie, Jangan Pandang Belakang has a lil more kick when it come to horror elements. But then when come to think of it, there are still some parts of the movie which left me in a lil, well, shaky. Lol....
...and oh yeah, imagine if somebody wrapped in batik shawl shivering, shaking and moans with a hint of painful crying sit beside the kitchen sink in the middle of the night calling your daughter's (or probably your) name. Huhuhu... >.<"
...anyway, enough of that. A nice improvement for local-made horror movie though. =)
...incoming movie next: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull. XD
Maths quiz today, and yes, Java Programming quiz also butts in. Nice combination there. Well, anyway we'll get through this.
'nuff said, late for class already, and I haven't spruce myself up yet.
Current Song: Caramelldansen (Speedycake Remix) by Caramell
Watched Congkak with Padil and our housemate yesterday at Jusco Kepong. Not a bad movie. Nice effort by Ahmad Idham anyway. An improvement in storyline even though I rather said that his previous movie, Jangan Pandang Belakang has a lil more kick when it come to horror elements. But then when come to think of it, there are still some parts of the movie which left me in a lil, well, shaky. Lol....
...and oh yeah, imagine if somebody wrapped in batik shawl shivering, shaking and moans with a hint of painful crying sit beside the kitchen sink in the middle of the night calling your daughter's (or probably your) name. Huhuhu... >.<"
...anyway, enough of that. A nice improvement for local-made horror movie though. =)
...incoming movie next: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull. XD
Maths quiz today, and yes, Java Programming quiz also butts in. Nice combination there. Well, anyway we'll get through this.
'nuff said, late for class already, and I haven't spruce myself up yet.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Of Iron Man and birthday....
Emotion/s: A lil blurry, smiling a bit...
Current Song: Could I Love Someone Again by Jung Hyun Lee
.... Stark RAWKS!!!
Definitely the BEST Marvel hero-based movie I've watched so far. Darn cool, brilliant, speechless. XD But 1 thing that I hate about this movie...
... the prejudice. You know what I mean for those who watched the movie.
Anyway, 'nuff said. Happy 22th birthday to me. Darn... I'm not growing any younger, am I? Been thinking about stuffs lately; my achievements, toils and troubles, the sweet, the bitter....
Seemed that I'm gonna end up my studies in weeks, or to be precise, in several months more if the practical is being counted in. My uncle who stayed at England wanted me to continue my studies there, for my degree. It's a dreadful feeling since I wanted to quit to pursue anymore concerning the graphic design stuffs. Told him that I rather study for journalism, or at least I wanna just work on my current workplace-gonna-be.
Life is nothing but surprises.... and at some part, I do love surprises, be it good or bad. Why? Because it's a way of God reminded us that we're not a powerful being, and we depended on Him. We have our energy and will, but God's will be done.
Oh... just skip that part. Yesterday, outing with families, roundtrip inside KL. Watch Iron Man movie on 10 pm since we couldn't have the 7 pm. All seats for Iron Man were full during that evening. Had steamboat at Shabu Shabu Train, Times Square then we watched movie at GSC Pavillion.
The night was unforgettable. Thanks to the appearance of Tony Stark on screen. XD
Current Song: Could I Love Someone Again by Jung Hyun Lee
.... Stark RAWKS!!!
Definitely the BEST Marvel hero-based movie I've watched so far. Darn cool, brilliant, speechless. XD But 1 thing that I hate about this movie...
... the prejudice. You know what I mean for those who watched the movie.
Anyway, 'nuff said. Happy 22th birthday to me. Darn... I'm not growing any younger, am I? Been thinking about stuffs lately; my achievements, toils and troubles, the sweet, the bitter....
Seemed that I'm gonna end up my studies in weeks, or to be precise, in several months more if the practical is being counted in. My uncle who stayed at England wanted me to continue my studies there, for my degree. It's a dreadful feeling since I wanted to quit to pursue anymore concerning the graphic design stuffs. Told him that I rather study for journalism, or at least I wanna just work on my current workplace-gonna-be.
Life is nothing but surprises.... and at some part, I do love surprises, be it good or bad. Why? Because it's a way of God reminded us that we're not a powerful being, and we depended on Him. We have our energy and will, but God's will be done.
Oh... just skip that part. Yesterday, outing with families, roundtrip inside KL. Watch Iron Man movie on 10 pm since we couldn't have the 7 pm. All seats for Iron Man were full during that evening. Had steamboat at Shabu Shabu Train, Times Square then we watched movie at GSC Pavillion.
The night was unforgettable. Thanks to the appearance of Tony Stark on screen. XD
